Feeling very tired and floaty today after finishing my story at 2.30 this morning for tonight's meeting. It's very rough, but it is sort of finished in that the story comes to an end. I need to put much more effort into polishing my writing. This writing group at least forces me to write, but I spend an awful long time going through the ideas in my mind and then get started too late and have to write the story in a big rush and barely finish getting it down by the time the meeting comes. After reading it at the meeting I tend to lose interest in sorting out the less convincing bits.

Strange, I've been an awful lot happier and calmer the last few days since our serious talking about my resigning. Just seeing that though difficult, it is in fact possible, and seeing that there are some other options, is changing my perspective on things.

In other news, Lauren is getting very into her gym. She is really strong, and virtually tireless. She spends ages practicing cartwheels and handstands in the lounge on her 'gym mat' (large double-bed duvet spread out on the rug). She loves me to watch but honestly I prefer not to watch too closely. Every so often there's a sickening thud as she lands badly. So far, this has resulted in nothing more than maniacal laughter.

I heard Robyn singing a hand-clapping song the other day.

This is approximately how the first half goes.

When Susie was a baby, a baby, a baby,
When Susie was a baby, she used to go like this:
Goo! Goo!

When Susie was a child, a child, a child,
When Susie was a child, she used to go like this:
Mama! Mama!

When Susie was a teenager, a teenager, a teenager,
When Susie was a teenager, she used to go like this:
I left my bra in my boyfriend's car!

Now this last verse was a bit of an eyebrow raiser. She knows the basics of sex in terms of baby-making-mechanisms, but that's about it.

I ask her what it means.

Well, mom, you know sometimes teenagers have bras?
Yes.
And sometimes they have boyfriends?
Er, yes.
Well, I guess she must have been changing in her boyfriend's car and dropped it there.

So now I have no idea whether to explain it to her.
So much to cover in that little line.
Sex. Sex for purposes other than making babies. Foreplay. Removal of clothing. Teenage sex and why it's not a good idea.

I don't really care that she's singing a silly little rhyme like this at home and would rather she found about this stuff when she was more ready for it - which I don't think is yet.

But she may repeat the rhyme to other adults who will disapprove. Or to kids who know more about it than she does, and then she may find out some stuff I'd rather she found out from us.

Sigh.