I am writing this from the hospital. I woke up this morning with bad abdominal pain from my hips to my rib cage, back and front, and a temperature. Other off-putting details omitted.

Came in to see the doctor who diagnosed an infection in the endometrium and, after doing a scan, determined that some placental tissue is still present. This probably triggered the infection, along with the complications after the birth. The headaches may also be due to this as well as to the haemoglobin level. Flashback to nine years ago after Robyn's birth.

I have been scheduled for a post-partum evac at 7pm tonight. The whole thing has been rather an emotional and distressing experience. I just want to feel normal again. I was annoyed with myself that I kept crying this morning, not so much from the pain (though it is bad) but from the whole trying, tiring experience. I want to be in control.

I have a drip in at the moment with an antibiotic, a pain killer and normal fluid and salts (can't eat or drink until after the op). Stephen is boarding in with me so I can still feed him, and we have a private room at no extra charge. The staff here are very nice. The most upsetting thing is that if this antibiotic isn't adequate I will have to have a stronger one and I won't be able to feed Stephen for about three days. I will have to pump and dump and Stephen will have to have formula. Cuddling him and feeding him and just looking at him is keeping me going. Peter has gone to get some lunch. I am starving.